I want to protect Maddie

Loving writing my new military romance. I knew I'd fall in love with Darby - who wouldn't! What has come as a shock is how much I'm wanting to protect Maddie.

As you know, I conduct 'character interviews' with each of my main characters before I start writing, usually as I'm outlining my book. This time, my characters refused to talk to me, I mean I knew them broadly and knew where the book would go but I didn't get a sense of their soul.

I know realise that Maddie will open up to me at the same time she opens up to Darby.

Enjoy this sneak peak (it's a rough draft and completely unedited)

All her life she had looked up to and adored her big brother. She’d heard stories of some skirmish that he was lucky to have survived. No one knew any of the details, but from all accounts, he was the luckiest son of a bitch to come home.

Maddie wanted to go to the BBQ, hug him and let him make her nightmares go away. Tell him all about Brian and watch Doug track down the bastard and make him pay. If justice wouldn’t come legally, she knew that her brother would do it for her. He’d protected her from her mother’s wrath all the times she had snuck out to meet up with friends. He’d stood between her and an ex-boyfriend who couldn’t accept he was an ex.

The temptation to tell him was as strong as her knowledge of what his reaction would do to his career.

So while she was forced to go to the BBQ to celebrate her brother and all his friends, Maddie held back.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Elisha hugged her. “Let me introduce you around.”

“How about I go inside and freshen up the dips,” Maddie offered in the most gentle way of getting out of being put on show.

“Fine, but I want you to meet Doug’s friend who is staying with us. He’s the one who saved your brother’s life.”

“Can’t wait, but let me get the food first,” Maddie faked her best smile. Elisha had been like an older sister from the first time she bounced into Maddies room and proclaimed her love for Doug. She hadn’t told her parents or Elisha, not until Brian was safely arrested and beyond the reach of her father. Now, well, without the arrest it would be her word against Brian and she couldn’t bare to become his public victim.

What if her family didn’t believe her? What if, even worse, they looked at her with pity or her mother made some scathing comment about how her party life was bound to catch up with her sometime.

No, she needed to keep away from any temptation to tell Dougie.

She was a big girl and this time she needed to protect herself.

A dripping hulk of a guy almost ran towards her, his intention to pick her up and throw her in the pool only too clear. Maddie froze, memories of the night all decisions were taken out of her control came flashing back.

If it wasn’t for the guy, Darby, stepping in, Maddie didn’t know what she would have done. Nobody noticed the pool of sweat across her body or her relief as she followed Darby to the side of the house. Near enough to the speakers to drown out any attempts of conversation.

She skolled the offered beer, needing it to calm her nerves. Darby matched her pace, setting down his empty bottle next to hers. Maddie grabbed him a replacement and switched to lemonade for herself. Today was not the day to wallow in the numbness of alcohol. She could do that alone in her bedroom tonight, from her stash of vodka hidden in her lingerie drawers.

To her surprise, Darby always had a beer bottle in his hand when the guys came around, but the second bottle lasted until mid afternoon. Instead, he washed his BBQ down with water, never leaving her side but his eyes always watching. One of her cousin’s toddlers wandered too close to the pool edge, and Darby rolled the ball towards the boy, getting his attention and playing soccer until her cousin picked him up and took him back inside.

A man who sees everything, who had protected her from the guy built like a mack truck and now intervened before a child fell into the pool.

He seemed nice enough, and if only she’d met him before … he was exactly her type. Solid, strong arms, short and thick regulation hair, piercing dark eyes that could quite possibly read her soul. Back in the day, she could have flirted a treat with him and found out if he kissed as good as he looked.

Luckily, he didn’t seem interested in either her or conversation and even if Maddie admitted to herself how much she noticed him, how could she explain what happened.

What she allowed to happen.

She should have died trying to stop him, then the police would have the evidence they need.

Maddie swallowed the darkness as she road shotgun with Darby as they made sure everyone got home safely.

“Here, I’ll jog home,” he parked in the driveway of her home and handed her the keys.

“Are you sure, I can give you a lift back?” she didn’t want to, but it would be the right thing to do.

“Nah, I need to clear my head. Nice meeting you and I think Doug is planning on us all catching up again.”

Maddie couldn’t help but return Darby’s smile. Only when she reached the safety of her bedroom did the stress of being “normal” for the day overcome her.

Alone in the bathroom, Maddie deliberately and methodically shaved her head. Long dark strands of hair fell on the tiles and filled the sink.

The first sweeps were about destroying her beauty. Beauty made her the victim, maybe if she was as ugly on the outside as she feels on the inside, she’d never be a victim again.

As she tidied up the uneven shaves, Maddie couldn’t hide from her eyes. She had hidden behind her long hair for years, used it to proclaim her moods and her vanity. Now, she was truly naked with nowhere to hide.

Maddie guessed people would be shocked at the sight of her head, but wouldn’t ask too many questions about why. She decided that the first two times a person asked, it would be “You know me, I felt like a change.” If they asked a third time, she’d tell them.

No one would ask.

No one would care enough to keep asking.

No one would ever know her shame.