A secret shared is a burden shared

I can't wait for you to read the first Military Romance - it still doesn't really have a name but I'm thinking about Avenge Her. If you've been following Maddie's journey so far, you'll understand why.

But is it a good name for a romance?

Less than one week into writing and I'm on a houseboat bringing Maddie and Darby together. Even though I know what will tear them apart ... the first time is always special.

Was that a spoiler alert? That the couple actually get together at some point in the book? Oh, well, forgive my enthusiasm.

Today, I've giving you a taste of Maddie and Darby when they go camping with Maddie's brother and sister in law. This was a special scene and even though it still needs some editing, I hope you enjoy.

Maddie

It had been a stroke of brilliance on her part, getting Darby to offer to help her set up all tents. That way, no one noticed she needed her tent between her brother and Darby. With the back against trees.

She used to throw her gear in the back of the car and get away to one of her favourite camping sites at least once each month, but not once since the incident. If she couldn’t feel safe locked inside her own bedroom locked inside her family home, how on earth would she sleep on her on inside a tent. Especially at one of the secluded camping grounds she favoured.

As soon as Doug suggested they go camping, Maddie jumped at the chance to see how she could go. Surely nestled between two other tents, she could sleep. Also, there was something about sitting around the open flames. She and Doug remembering the camping holidays of their childhood and then Doug and Elisha outdoing each other with antics from their early dating and marriage.

Only Darby sat back and listened.

No tales from childhood, and nothing from Army.

The only time she tried to get him to open up about his tours, there was a glance between the men and then one of them would gently change the subject. She understood, everyone had their secrets and if she wasn’t ready to share hers …

Finally, Doug ran out of songs he could remember the guitar chords for and his charming bride convinced him to go and try out their air mattress.

Maddie half expected Darby to take the hint and leave her alone, not that she would mind. As beautiful as the evening had been, and as bright as the stars, there was too much darkness away from the fire. She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t tired, but yawns gave away her secret.

No one could get into her tent without someone hearing and she had purchased a couple of heavy duty padlocks so she could lock herself inside the tent. Still, she avoided getting up and dousing the fire when her brother wished her good night.

What would they think if she woke up screaming, again? Doug knew her too well to accept a “fear of the dark” or strange noises. He’d want answers and never understand.

Camping seemed like such a wonderful idea.

Until day became night.

Maddie decided she could go one night without sleep, if it meant keeping her secret. When Darby said he was going to stay up a while longer, it didn’t take much for her to throw another log on the fire, one that should keep going until morning.

“Coffee?” she asked, scooping precious ground coffee into the perculator.

“Sure.”

Darby

As dusk became night, all Darby’s training kicked in and heightened his senses. One thousand miles from conflict and he couldn’t tune out all the natural noises of the national park. Every possum running across a tent, any wallaby creeping close to scavenge some food. He could hear everything, which was so necessary to keep him and his regiment alive, but impossible to get sleep.

No point even trying. He pulled out a pocket knife and started whittling a piece of wood, saving it from the flames. Conscious of Maddie fascinated by the blade, he got a second knife from his tent. Smaller, less sharp but she seemed to know how to use it. Within a few minutes, she was creating a small pile of her own shavings.

“You seem to know your way around a blade,” he felt almost obliged to say something.

“I’ve always liked sharpening them old school with a stone. This one’s as blunt as, hope you weren’t relying on it to keep you alive.”

“I didn’t know whether to trust you with a sharp blade.”

“If you’ve got a stone, I’ll sharpen all your knives for you.”

“Why would you expect me to carry around a stone?”

“You do, don’t you. I figured that’s the sort of man you are.”

“And what’s that,” he hadn’t made a move towards Maddie or the tent.

“A man I can trust to be prepared enough to handle himself.”

He sat in awe as Maddie methodically sharpened each of the five knives he had packed. There were experienced soldiers who would never want to know how to take care of their own knives, not when they could drop them off to the shop and pick them up the next day.

“I’m glad you came,” he started.

“Me too, although I didn’t think it was a good idea an hour or so ago,” she set down the knives to take the coffee from him.

“Why?”

“I don’t sleep well, and if I …” there was a slight shadow as she bit her lip as if to stop herself from saying something. “I mean, if I get up and wander around, I don’t want to wake anyone.”

“Not much chance of that, I’m not likely to get much sleep tonight, not when I’m standing guard to protect you from evil, food stealing possums.

He didn’t expect her to laugh out loud, but he didn’t expect the tears. Not the big, silent tears that flowed down her face, glistening in the glow of the flames.

Darby waited for Maddie to calm, racking his brain to figure out what he had said.

At the BBQ, she froze when Mack raced towards her.

Dressed in over-sized clothes and sitting away from everyone, barely talking even though she had the reputation for being an extravert.

Shaving her head, when the excuses didn’t make sense.

The one time he knew she had gone out with her own friends, she ended up at her brother’s.

Her soldier brother who would willingly lay down his life to protect his sister.

“Mads, don’t you think you should tell someone? I’m leaving in a week and you never have to see me again.”

Her tears dried but she didn’t run away. Darby got up and grabbed his sleeping bag, undoing it into a blanket to wrap around her. Bringing his stool closer, he took a chance by holding her hand.

“How about you start with the hair. How big a change were you looking for and did you find it?”

Sipping their coffees and ever so slowly they open up to each other.

Maddie

Stupid bloody possums.

If only he hadn’t talked about protecting her from the stupid, evil possums.

How on earth did he realize that she wanted someone to protect her, from herself and her past and from the nightmares that continued to haunt her. Of course he didn’t mean it – he was talking about fluffy marsupiels with sharp teeth and long claws. Cute and fluffy all the same.

The tears were expected, she cried most days, but unexpected in the timing. So far she had been very cautious to leave groups of people any time she felt the tingle of their arrival. No one questioned her spending hours in her bedroom or a bathroom. She had become quite expert at fixing her face to hide the tell tale sign. The eye drops she used to hide the evidence of being stoned from her mother now hid her tears from the world.

Until Darby offered to protect her, from possums.

Now, the floodgates had opened and she couldn’t explain it. Something happened in the darkness, staring into the embers of the fire. Tears of self pity and fell as she grieved for herself.

This time, she didn’t flinch when he wrapped her in his sleeping bag, was it bad that she drew comfort from the way it smelt of him and his bed?

She didn’t pull away when he sat closer and held her hand.

Only when he asked her to talk, did she want to run away, but where would she go? Middle of the night and it would only ask more questions than Darby was asking.

Secure in the darkness so she couldn’t see the judgement in his face, Maddie started with her hair.

“What did you see when I came to Doug’s after the bar?”

She waited but he didn’t respond, just a gentle massage of her palm. “Gorgeous sexy girl, looking for a good time and a lucky man to give it to her?”

“Right?” she pressed.

“Truthfully, I’ve wanted to see those legs since the BBQ when you had them hidden away. I felt like tracking down who ever you got dressed up for and choking the living daylights out of him for being stupid enough to let you leave, and then shaking his hand for letting you leave.”

“Actually, I barely got a glance. Not when all my friends were dressed the same and with a full head of hair.”

Maddie waited, but he was really going to make her work for this. “Don’t you get it, I’m glad no guys noticed me. I don’t want to be noticed.”

“Actually, without your hair, all I can see is your eyes.”

“You’re not most guys.”

“I hope that’s a good thing.”

Maddie thought back to what Darby had said, she had been too busy thinking about how to tell him her news that she didn’t register. “What do you mean you wanted to choke the guy I got dressed up for.”

“Because I’m a jealous son of a bitch and the thought of any man touching you makes my blood boil.”

That did it. Maddie crossed the line she swore she’d never cross.

For the first time other than to the police who were clinical and the counsellor who wanted to know how she felt. Darby listened without judgement and in the dark she feels safe enough to tell.

The tears this time weren’t the sad tears or even angry tears, they were cleansing. She left nothing out, what she had been wearing, where she had been. Every clinical detail including the visit to the police station and feeling violated all over again, all in the name of vengeance or at least justice.

“The reason I didn’t meet Doug at the airport with mum and dad was because I was waiting for the phone call. I expected them to tell me about the arrest and court dates. Instead, lack of evidence and that they’re sorry.”

“Oh, Madeleine, oh dear Maddie,” she felt the kisses through the army cap he had given her. “Oh, babe I’m so sorry.”

Darby gave her what she thought was the most precious gift, he allowed her to cry without having to hide her tears or pain or grief. He stroked her back, massaged her palm, proving that while she was alone, she wasn’t alone.

When her tears subsided, he left her long enough to open a new bottle of wine and pour them both a glass.

“To you.”

“What sort of toast is that?” she tried to force a smile.

“An honest one. It took guts for you to go through all that on your own, and hide it from people who love you. It also took incredible courage to tell me.”

“Not really, like you said, you’ll be gone in a week.”

“About that,” when he turned her face, she welcomed his touch of his lips against her cheeks. “I might be going back to base next week, but I’m not leaving you. How do you feel about giving a long distance relationship a try?”

“Don’t you think you should ask Dougie?” this time her laugh was genuine.

“Do you really think he would have thrown us together this much if he didn’t approve?”

“Give me a reason.”

“What?”

“Give me a reason to say, ‘yes’.”

This time, his lips met hers and all the darkness momentarily melted away.

“How have you been sleeping?” he asked her when they stopped long enough to catch their breath.

“About the same as you, do you want to talk about it?”

“Tonight’s about you. You don’t need my crap tonight.”

“Tell me one piece of your crap and I’ll tell you about my sleeping habits.”

Maddie waited while Darby stoked the fire, she knew he was buying time to figure out how much or which part of his life to share.

“My father did a number on me,” he started slowly. “Not my adoptive father, but the other father. After my mother died, he took any excuse to belt me. I even went to juvie to escape from the beltings, and because I took the rap for a robbery he did. Then when I refused to pay down his gambling and drug debt by selling at my high school, well let’s just say things went bad.”

“Oh, Darby, I don’t know what to say.”

“Sweetheart, we all have our own scars, only you can see mine,” he pulled up his shirt and even in the soft fire light, Maddie could see the slight purple lines from old scars on his chest and back.

“I showed these to the police as a kid and suddenly the world changed for the better. People saw my pain and wanted to help. That’s how I came to live with Seth and ended up changing my name.”

Maddie bit her lip, it wasn’t fair that no one saw her pain.

“For you, I guess shaving your head was a cry to the world, except no one was listening.”

“You kept asking.”

“And you kept closing down or pushing me away. I figured you’d tell me if you trusted me enough.”

“And now?” she needed to know that he didn’t judge her. Didn’t blame her.

“I promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect you and make you feel safe. Starting with tonight. How about you go into your tent, get some sleep. I’ll sit at the entrance either inside or outside and keep guard. Whatever it will take for you to get a good night’s sleep.”

Maddie got her sleeping bag from her tent, opened it up and lay it on the soft dirt near the fire. “Hold me?”

He didn’t need much encouragement and for the first time since sleeping in his bed, Maddie slept soundly. Safe in Darby’s arms.